I CAN'T WIN

What is wrong with today’s tangibles? I can confidently state that the products I acquire, of which I dedicate a heavy reliance on, can be adequately summed up with one word—dejection. Let me provide the definition for those you who might be unfamiliar: A solid excretory product evacuated from the bowels.

I don’t have to search the archives or excrete too much mental energy to provide examples to back up my claim. In fact, it’s grossly too easy to prove my point.

Dejection #1: OCZ Fatal1ty 2GB DDR2 Random Access Memory (RAM) Module

With the appreciative assistance of my personal BFF computer assistant, Horace and Cornelius (notional names to protect their identity), I constructed a computer for home use. There is an inside joke amongst us that if there is ever a computer problem—replace the RAM. Those of you that are computer savvy may laugh, but I’m not laughing. The positive news is that it only took OCZ 1 ½ weeks to replace my DOA (Dead On Arrival) RAM.

Dejection #2: General Electric Washing Machine

What is GE? Some say it is an acronym for General Electric, Galactic Empire, or General Education. I am convinced that it stands for Generally Eroding. What was known in the golden days as a symbol of quality has slowly evolved into a large white power flush clogging dejection in my house. I won’t go into the details. Suffice it to say that in 14 months it has had two motors. It’s sad when you mumble under your breath, “Please God, let this washing machine agitate the skid marks from my underwear ” before you start a load of laundry.

Dejection #3: Dish Network VIP 612 HD DVR Receiver

I could write a novel on my dealing with said product and service. It will save the blog stalkers a lot of reading time if I simply leave out the details. I will be the first one to admit my incessant need for good high definition. My heart goes out to those who continue to watch television programming in standard definition. I am adamantly unable to accept mediocre HD. I have now been a Dish Network HD subscriber for 2 weeks and have been through 2 receivers, 3 technicians, and multiple phone calls to technical support representatives in India. What does an HD snob have to do to get some quality HD and a functioning receiver these days? Am I asking too much? I guess so.

Dejection #4: Whirlpool flat top range/oven

In case you were wondering, error code F3-E0 on a Whirlpool oven indicates an open oven temperature sensor condition. The remedy—replace oven temperature sensor. It’s not that I wore out the oven. I just wanted to bake a cinnamon roll for the first time in my brand new Whirlpool Oven to consecrate it if you will. Why would I expect my brand new oven to bake a cinnamon roll? That is absolutely absurd and I’m not sure why I thought such a thing was possible. I’ll know to not expect the next new item I purchase to actually function as advertised.

Dejection #5: JBL Radial iPod Loudspeaker

This was an impulse bargain purchase that has proved at times to be my best sound producing friend. The first one was DOA (see above). The replacement appeared to function fine. However, it did not take long for the sound to short out or not play it all. I’ve since learned that if you hit it hard enough at just the right angle, it will function. After a hard day at work I can go home and slap the JBL Radial across the façade and my wife won’t even question my intentions.

The tone of the above examples might give indication to the fact that I am a bitter, selfish complainer. I hope all the stalkers of this blog might not consider me to be such. I am certainly grateful for all the un-dejections in my life. The examples portrayed may seem small and irrelevant. Well…one small floating turd is enough to ruin a very big bucket of water. I am still perplexed as to this condition I suffer from. Is it bad taste? Is it bad luck? Or is it cheap, cost cutting, oversea, outsourcing production?