I CAN'T WIN

What is wrong with today’s tangibles? I can confidently state that the products I acquire, of which I dedicate a heavy reliance on, can be adequately summed up with one word—dejection. Let me provide the definition for those you who might be unfamiliar: A solid excretory product evacuated from the bowels.

I don’t have to search the archives or excrete too much mental energy to provide examples to back up my claim. In fact, it’s grossly too easy to prove my point.

Dejection #1: OCZ Fatal1ty 2GB DDR2 Random Access Memory (RAM) Module

With the appreciative assistance of my personal BFF computer assistant, Horace and Cornelius (notional names to protect their identity), I constructed a computer for home use. There is an inside joke amongst us that if there is ever a computer problem—replace the RAM. Those of you that are computer savvy may laugh, but I’m not laughing. The positive news is that it only took OCZ 1 ½ weeks to replace my DOA (Dead On Arrival) RAM.

Dejection #2: General Electric Washing Machine

What is GE? Some say it is an acronym for General Electric, Galactic Empire, or General Education. I am convinced that it stands for Generally Eroding. What was known in the golden days as a symbol of quality has slowly evolved into a large white power flush clogging dejection in my house. I won’t go into the details. Suffice it to say that in 14 months it has had two motors. It’s sad when you mumble under your breath, “Please God, let this washing machine agitate the skid marks from my underwear ” before you start a load of laundry.

Dejection #3: Dish Network VIP 612 HD DVR Receiver

I could write a novel on my dealing with said product and service. It will save the blog stalkers a lot of reading time if I simply leave out the details. I will be the first one to admit my incessant need for good high definition. My heart goes out to those who continue to watch television programming in standard definition. I am adamantly unable to accept mediocre HD. I have now been a Dish Network HD subscriber for 2 weeks and have been through 2 receivers, 3 technicians, and multiple phone calls to technical support representatives in India. What does an HD snob have to do to get some quality HD and a functioning receiver these days? Am I asking too much? I guess so.

Dejection #4: Whirlpool flat top range/oven

In case you were wondering, error code F3-E0 on a Whirlpool oven indicates an open oven temperature sensor condition. The remedy—replace oven temperature sensor. It’s not that I wore out the oven. I just wanted to bake a cinnamon roll for the first time in my brand new Whirlpool Oven to consecrate it if you will. Why would I expect my brand new oven to bake a cinnamon roll? That is absolutely absurd and I’m not sure why I thought such a thing was possible. I’ll know to not expect the next new item I purchase to actually function as advertised.

Dejection #5: JBL Radial iPod Loudspeaker

This was an impulse bargain purchase that has proved at times to be my best sound producing friend. The first one was DOA (see above). The replacement appeared to function fine. However, it did not take long for the sound to short out or not play it all. I’ve since learned that if you hit it hard enough at just the right angle, it will function. After a hard day at work I can go home and slap the JBL Radial across the façade and my wife won’t even question my intentions.

The tone of the above examples might give indication to the fact that I am a bitter, selfish complainer. I hope all the stalkers of this blog might not consider me to be such. I am certainly grateful for all the un-dejections in my life. The examples portrayed may seem small and irrelevant. Well…one small floating turd is enough to ruin a very big bucket of water. I am still perplexed as to this condition I suffer from. Is it bad taste? Is it bad luck? Or is it cheap, cost cutting, oversea, outsourcing production?

He Must Really Love Me

So I pretty much have the best husband ever! Friday I had another appointment in Salt Lake. We heard that it might snow Thursday night and my appointment was really early so we decided it would be better to spend the night in SLC. We have heard awesome things about Famous Dave's and decided it would be fun to go somewhere new. If you have ever heard good things about that place they are all lies. The whole time we were wishing we had went somewhere else. As we are driving in to Salt Lake Jared kept telling me to cue up Rascal Flatts on my ipod. Jared is far from being a country fan so this stuck me as a little strange. As we are getting closer to the Energy Solution Arena there where large crowds of people walking to the Arena. Jared made the comment that something must be going on that night. My response was that there must be a Jazz game. As we were pulling up I realized that all of the country stations had their cars in front of the Arena. It was then that I looked up at the billboard and realized that the Rascal Flatts concert was that night. I knew that there was a girl from his work that was going to the concert. So I asked if Karen was going to the concert. Jared said "Yes, and guess who else is going." It was ME!!! It was amazing! Even Jared liked it.

Happy B-lated Valentine's Day

Well like always I am behind on my blogging. So I am a little late but HAPPY VALENTINE'S! As always I got spoiled. My "no spending money this year" went about like it always does. I figured it would help since Valentine's was on a weekend, meaning there would be no opportunity to send me the traditional flowers from Tony's Grove to work. He still brought a Cold Stone ice cream cake and a small vase of flowers to me at work on Friday. The cake was awesome and everyone enjoyed their Valentine treat. Jared always does so much for me so I decided for Valentine's this year I would do one of Jared's favorite things (knowing the people who read our blog I need to tell you to get your mind out of the gutter :)). We went snowmobiling up Hardware Ranch with my fam. Later that night we went to The Coppermill for their Valentine buffet. It was so awesome I was craving it for a week after. They have the same buffet the weekend before Mother's Day. So I know where I will be the Saturday before Mother's Day. So I have to give a shout out to Jare and tell him thanks again for an awesome V-day, you are the ultimate gift giver! I heart U, and you will always be my favorite.

Salt Lake

We lucked out and my doctor appointment ended up being the same day we had tickets to go to the Jazz game. The doctor went as well as any doctor appointment can go. I had to remind him of everything that we had payed to talk to him about in December. They showed me how to give myself a shot since it had to be done the next day. Now tell me why am I paying them again? Who wants to put a three inch needle in their own thigh? As I was sitting there pinching my fat with the needle in my hand I couldn't imagine wanting to inject myself with drugs. People are crazy!I poked myself once and had to stop. After a lot of coxing by onlookers I did it a second time. It wasn't as bad as I thought, that is until about 6 hours later when I couldn't walk. I had quite the limp for a couple of days. The Jazz game was fun. My whole fam was there. All of the good players were hurt, but I don't really go to watch the games anyway. It is all about watching people and pigging out on concession food.

I Hate Heights!!!

Ryan Davis has been trying to get Jared and I to go flying with him for the past couple of weeks. Jared decided that after weeks of me telling him no that he would just tell Ryan yes and beg for forgiveness later. I am very surprised to say that I am glad he did. I don't normally enjoy flying. I get very nervous almost to the point of hyperventilating, and give myself stomach aches. I was a little nervous on the way to the airport. I realized I hadn't told anyone that we were going flying. I decided to document every second by camera so that if we did crash someone would know what happened to us. As soon as we took off my nerves went away. Maybe it was the fact that I was only inches away from controlling the plane (even though I was in the backseat :)) if need be. Amber I don't know how much blog stalking Ryan does so please relay the message and tell him thanks again, it was sooo awesome!

P.S We flew over Buzzy's house you can see him in his driveway if you look carefully.

Landon's Homecoming

Landon's Homecoming was yesterday. He did an amazing job with his talk. The dinner after was good too. We got to see people that we haven't seen since he left. It is awesome to have him home. Now we need to find him some cute new friends of the female gender!

Our New Bumper Sticker

We went to Angie's and tried the kitchen sink. We were going to get one per couple. It was a good thing our waitress talked us out of it :)! We are now the proud new owners of an Angie's bumper sitcker.